


You're Not Her

by FruitfulMind



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I feel so bad for writing this, So much angst, starts out happy and ends sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:38:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8033458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruitfulMind/pseuds/FruitfulMind
Summary: When you're in love with someone who looks so much like the person you're trying to forget, what does it say about you? (Sheena is Mystery Girl's unconfirmed/fan name, I'll change it once her name's confirmed.)





	1. Chapter 1

It was such a happy moment for Pearl to be sat with the 'Mystery Girl' (whom she found out was named Sheena, after much confusion) on the sofa back at the temple. The duo were happy and laughing when Sheena wrapped her arm around Pearl's shoulder. Pearl thought that laugh was the most beautiful thing she'd heard. Much more beautiful than that dreadful thing Greg called music.

 

"And then, he tried climbing on top of the sound booth," Sheena was explaining, still cackling into her story. "He tried to," she took a deep breath, pounding on her chest. Pearl jumped at this, turning her head. "He tried to crowd surf. But there were only..." she paused, her eyes raising. "Ten people there, at most."

 

Pearl rose her hand to her mouth, giggling behind it. It was soft and wary. Should she be laughing at this? Someone was seriously injured! Do humans normally laugh at injuries? Briefly, her mind flew to cartoons Steven and Amethyst would watch together.

 

"Was he okay?"

 

Sheena nodded, the smile on her face stretched. "Yeah, guy was just seriously embarrassed." She let the word flow softly out, her free hand grabbing for the soda beside her. She offered Pearl a sip, to which the gem kindly refused.

 

"Conscious manifestation of light, remember?" Pearl said, earning a laugh from Sheena.

 

"You are one crazy girl. More for me." Sheena rose the aluminum can up to her lips, taking a few deep sips from it.

 

"Crazy as in crazy bad?" The gem asked, her smile slowly disappeared. She felt a wave of relief when Sheena placed the drink down, shaking her head.

 

"No!" Sheena said, a little too quickly. She coughed a bit, taken back by the liquid she accidentally inhaled. "Whoo," she breathed out. Her eyes went to Pearl, and she smirked. "Crazy good, Pearl."

 

"Oh..." It pleased Pearl to hear that, it might have flexed her ego a bit, as Amethyst would call it. She blushed faintly, feeling her shoulder get touched by the other woman. She seemed to be studying something, squinting at the wall.

 

Rose.

She saw the painting.

 

"She was a... she was a friend." Pearl said, feeling the mood suddenly descend. "She was a friend of my friends," she said, her voice lowering so softly a mouse wouldn't hear it, "she was... She was Steven's mother."

 

"She looks like me."

 

This was the conversation Pearl did not want to have, she suddenly realized. She could go 6,000 more years without having this conversation. She knew it wasn't healthy; but if she could, she would.

 

Pearl sighed softly, her head rising. She wasn't surprised to see Sheena looking at her now, waiting for an explanation. "Yes. She does... I promise you though, that was not the reason for my interest in you."

 

The pink-haired woman continued studying Pearl. The smile didn't come back; Pearl was beginning to miss it. It was better than the judging look she was receiving now. "You don't have to lie to me, Pearl." She said. There was a hurt in her voice, but she quickly covered it up. "You still think about her, huh?"

 

"Yes." She knew it was better to tell the truth, than to lie. If her fight with Garnet yielded any results, it was her understanding to tell her feelings out loud. Others might not like it, but it was better than bottling up her insecurities and hurting. She might not have seen the sudden raising and falling of Sheena's chest after her words, but she could feel it. She immediately felt bad for her words.

 

"What was she like?" Sheena whispered against Pearl's hair, choosing clipped sentences instead of letting the other know of her worries. It may hurt, but at least she could rest assured she got it out there.

 

"She was beautiful," Pearl said, failing to notice the way Sheena's eyes averted. "She was kind, and powerful. She took me in," she was rambling now. But how can one not, when talking of a past love? "We fought side by side, and triumphed over anyone in our way. You would have loved her."

 

"Yeah, sure would've." Her voice dipped. Dammit! She wasn't the type to normally get jealous, but the girl she was falling for was going off about an ex-lover. Just what was she to do?

 

Pearl laughed, and Sheena realized how much that laugh stung. She knew she wasn't laughing at her, but she was laughing at the thought of the two women talking. "She was always into the rock and roll," Pearl joked. Maybe not joked, but it certainly felt like it. "She even had a child with a _rock star_." She laughed again. Sheena wanted to stay and help her, but with how much pain she felt, hearing how this Rose was everything she wasn't? She couldn't bear it. She got up, ignoring Pearl's small sound of distaste when her body moved from the skinny woman's. "Where are you going?" Pearl asked. She went to get up, but Sheena shook her head.

 

"I can't be her for you, you know." There was an edge behind the words she spoke so softly. It tore into Pearl; she feared she would poof again, just like last time.

 

If Pearl had a heart like a human, then she would feel it crumbling now. Perhaps that was what a human heart would do. She laughed, bitterly at first. Her broken laugh caused Sheena to suddenly look at her. Her fist was curving, but no punch came.

 

Instead, she was rubbing her fingers against her palm, her eyes trailing left, then right, and finally up. Her lips quivered slight, but she found her voice.

 

"I'll go."

 

Pearl's eyes widened, the laugh choked out as she felt all air (she couldn't really breathe, but was that what the heavy feeling in her body was?) leave her, making her feel trapped. Vulnerable. "Sheena no--" She got up now, starting towards the woman, trying to follow her.

 

With that, the door closed shut. It wasn't slammed in a fit of rage, and it wasn't gently closed like all the times Sheena had left before. It was shut. Pearl could only watch in slow motion as her pink-haired lover left.

 

"You're not Rose..." She finished, all will to talk leaving. Her legs crumpled under her as she sat on the floor. Her hand rose to her arm, rubbing it softly. "You're not Rose at all."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl is still hurt by her and Sheena's previous fight. Some friends have come to help. (Also uploaded on my Tumblr!)

Steven was growing more and more worried about Pearl. The gem hadn't been herself for a few days, and her girlfriend hadn't been coming around as much. Steven really liked Sheena, actually. She was really kind, even bringing him CDs from the concerts she went to! His dad had confiscated a couple of them, Steven had real no clue why. He figured it was something a dad did.

 

He was readying for bed when he first heard the soft sounds; if you listened closely, they were easily noticeable in the silence of the night. As much as thoughts of the Gem's reactions and concerns traveled the boy's mind, his curiosity bested him. Steven began his travel down the hall, his eyes attempting to adjust to the darkness. The closer up the hallway he went, the closer and louder the noise became. A soft sniffle, though despair filled it. He trotted down the end of the hall and beginning of the kitchen, a toothbrush gripped tightly in his small hand. With tired eyes he scanned the room. The lights were all off, the one source of lighting coming from the kitchen. Once more, the sounds started, the sniffle now becoming sniffles.

 

The tired expression on Steven's face shifted to one softer and more empathetic. Whatever was crying, was obviously hurt; Steven didn't know who or what it was, but he felt deep within him it was his job as a Crystal Gem to find out. His only mission was to find what was making the noises, and to help them. He remained quiet as he could as he crept out of the hallway, narrowly dodging the coffee table that led right outside the kitchen. He pressed his body against the adjoining wall, his head planted against it. Using his toothbrush as a weapon, he held it in front of him, doing his best to ignore it's quaking. A surge forward. That's all it would take! He entered the kitchen, right to the hunkered figure with it's own quaking ligaments. His 'frightening' sound would sound like a yelp to most ears; but it did frighten the creature – or the creature had it's own war cry. The toothbrush was inches away from it before his eyes took time to adjust. And thankfully so, for with a surprised look, he skidded to a halt at the sight of them.

 

With a startled yell at his appearance, the 'monster' or known better yet as _Pearl._ “Oh...” She said, once the realization of who intruded hit her. As much as she tried to readjust her composure to her prim and proper norm, it was obvious the interaction startled and embarrassed her. “Steven.” Though concern was always a factor, her voice lacked any true emotion. “I'm sorry, did I wake you?” With the back of her hand, she dotted the corner of her eyes; Steven swore he saw streaks of blue.

 

“Pearl... were you crying?” Steven's voice broke. To the human eye, it would be hardly noticeable, but to a gem, it was a different story. He looked at her, lost and confused; Pearl had never been a sensitive gem, and it was the first time he'd ever seen her cry. “Did something happen?”

 

Her heart broke as well, seeing Steven like this. The pang, deep and empty, Pearl realized how much it reminded her of Rose. He was alike her in every way, from his ridiculous expressions, his humbleness, and the way he dealt with situations. She only realized she'd begun to tear up again the moment she felt Steven's small hands on hers. “No, no...” She tried her best not to look him in the eye. Even though Pearl knew Steven wasn't Rose, and that he never was to begin with, the old memories hurt more than ever before. “No, Steven, I'm quite alright. We should be getting you ready for bed.”

 

Steven shook his head with a displeased look. “Not yet – I mean... I _was_ getting ready for bed, but then I heard crying!” He looked up to Pearl with big, soulful eyes. “Maybe I can help!” The pearl gave a sad squawk of a laugh, a frown crossing the boy's features. Immediately, her eyes cast down, as if embarrassed by her own laugh.

 

She rubbed her left wrist gently as she spoke, her voice soft and embarrassed, no doubt regretting her untimely and inappropriate action, “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed...” She trailed off, her light blue eyes meeting Steven's brown ones; it was so hard to focus when thinking of her. “You can't help Steven.” Her hand rested on his head as she spoke, her own way of comforting him. “Not with this.” Her smile was broken, even forcing one was just too much effort.

 

“I can help!” He said, undeterred from her refusal. He was a stubborn boy, just like his father. Pearl reminded herself that she also was very stubborn, as a certain purple gem had said.

 

“No Steven, please. Go back to--” She gasped suddenly, her words becoming lost both in sound and thought. Steven wondered if something had happened, when he felt a strong, yet gentle hand on his shoulder.

 

Instinctively, his body tensed under the minuscule touch, and as his eyes gradually lifted, he spied the tallest Gem's sunglasses. “Garnet!” He quickly said, the smile that had just appeared growing tenfold as he whipped around. Pearl didn't share the happiness of seeing the Gem, instead looking abashed as she quickly attempted tried to wipe the dark blue tears that were slipping down her cheeks.

 

“Steven...” Garnet softly replied, her hand still on the young boy's shoulder. She wasn't quite smiling, though one threatened to show at the boy's joy at seeing her. “Pearl.” Her head turned to the other Gem, who in turn shied away from the glance.

 

When the pearl didn't reply, Steven decided to instead. “What are you doing up, Garnet?” As if by answer or just pure coincidence, Garnet's sunglasses glinted. _Future Vision!_ Steven touched his cheeks and gasped delightfully, looking from Garnet to Pearl. But the despair on the Pearl's face made Steven's heart sink. “Is... is Pearl going to be okay?” Steven asked quietly.

 

Garnet didn't say anything. She didn't need to, instead she squatted on level with Steven, her hand still on his shoulder. “I'll have a talk with her.” She said to him. Steven nodded, though he still looked despondent and worried. Pearl visibly winced with Garnet's sentence, crossing her legs once more. The wounds from Sheena and her conversation still had not healed yet, Pearl wasn't sure if they ever would.

 

Pearl did know the woman was angry at her, she had also left dozen of voice mails and texts, all of them _begging_ Sheena to listen to her side. Pearl didn't enjoy begging, and found it very unbecoming of her training – but for Sheena, it felt worth it. But none of her messages seemed to go through. Or, for lack of a better word, ignored. The thought that she was being ignored churned something deep inside of her. Had she been human, there was no doubt in her mind that she would become sick; but, Pearl was forced to deal with these feelings another way. 

 

Pearl shifted uncomfortably under the growing weight of her thoughts. Garnet had no doubt seen through her lies. The only way to avoid suspicion would be to reply as calmly and collected as possible. “Garnet.” She once again crossed her legs, this time in a different fashion. Her hands followed suit, solace found in tightly clasping together on her lap.

 

Once Steven had left, both gems looked at each other finally. You didn't need future vision to sense how hurt Pearl was; her expression lacked the usual air of haughtiness she held, and her shoulders would slump forwards, as if she was stopping herself from submitting to the sadness which hung over her. Still, Garnet couldn't force Pearl to open up when she didn't want to. Even if the same gem knew what exactly was wrong. “We can talk when you want to,” was the best that could be said. Pearl and Garnet stayed together in an uncomfortable silence, the former not wishing to speak, and the latter respecting that.

 

They could have stayed that way for years; the two have had longer fights than that, where neither party would speak to each other, be it because Rose preferred Garnet a certain day, or because Pearl would not listen to the other Gem. But both hoped it wouldn't be like those fights, they still had a world to protect, and a Steven to look after. Maybe it was a joined thought in their head, as Pearl had looked up to Garnet. The words were on the tip of her tongue, she would just need to let them come.

 

“Sheena...” She started, trying with difficulty to find her voice. Pearl wanted to believe that if she didn't say it, it wouldn't be true; but this was her reality, she couldn't hide behind human beliefs. “Sheena left.” Garnet didn't reply, forcing the gem to continue speaking. “She collected her things yesterday.” There was a crack in her voice, it felt like any moment, she would begin crying again. “She's gone, Garnet; just like Rose.” Maybe it was the raw feeling as she dealt with losing Sheena, or how embarrassed Pearl was that Garnet was there to witness her mourning the loss of another pink haired, giant and beautiful woman, but the words struck Pearl where she hurt the most.

 

As much as the silence from Garnet was unsettling, it wasn't uncommon. The gem stood, no emotion written on her face, her arms in front of her chest, listening to Pearl ramble. Finally, Garnet opened her mouth to speak. “Not like Rose.” Pearl sat up, though her arms shook like mad on her lap as she tried to control the tears wishing to come. “You didn't lose her like Rose.”

 

“She's gone, Garnet. She left me.”

 

“Rose didn't leave you,” the tall Gem spoke softer. Garnet knew that yes, in a sense, Rose had left all of them; she knew she was going to die. “Sheena didn't leave you like Rose had.” She took a knee, her voice still reaching out to the pearl. “She's mad.”

 

“Exactly!” Pearl cried out, her hands slamming on her lap and beside the table in an unbridled fit of frustration. “She's mad at _me_!” Her hands rose above her head quickly, going from upset and crying to ranting and frustrated. “I made her upset, she's left! She's taken everything, and _left_!” She cried out, though no tears came. If so, they were tears of anger, of frustration, and tears that she may have just lost all her happiness for one mistake on her end.

 

“That doesn't mean she's gone.” Garnet replied, not shaken from the Pearl's sudden outburst. Instead, it seemed she was taking in account how upset the Gem truly was. “The meaning of love is finding a balance between hating and realizing, and overcoming, the others' mistakes.”

 

“That's easy for you to say,” Pearl began, her eyes looking right beyond Garnet. “You're a being made of love, you're never alone... Gems like us, we... we need to feel apart of something; I had felt that.” She felt Garnet's finger dart across her cheek, a lone, frustrated tear coming with the contact. As the Gem's finger swept across her cheek, the garnet spoke.

 

“Ruby and Sapphire fight. Constantly.” Her finger moved away from the pale cheek, a her sunglasses glinted once more. “But that is love. Fighting...” She continued to touch Pearl, each word striking a different chord of the other. “Realizing...” Garnet felt Pearl becoming heavy in her hands, and as she supported the Gem's upper body, she spoke again, “apologizing,” with her large hands, she supported Pearl's lower half, holding her upright.“And acceptance. That's what love is.”

 

Maybe in her exhausted state, was when Pearl realized Garnet's true meaning; she had upset Sheena. Pearl hadn't taken in consideration that the human  _could_ be. Sheena was always so levelheaded with not a care in the world, like she couldn't be broken by anyone or anything. But she was only human, and the strongest of humans could fall. That was what Pearl had caused, she'd caused Sheena to become hurt by old memories that Pearl had clung onto; just as Pearl had been hurt by Rose's departure. She felt herself become weightless as Garnet carried her to the sofa. Perhaps she a recharge would make the gem feel better. For the first time in a long while, Pearl felt the acceptance Garnet had spoken about, not only finally did she accept it was her mistake, she accepted she needed to love herself, and let herself grow. Rose was in the past, it was Sheena whom she loved and accepted in the now..

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can request any one-shots or fics at my tumblr! You can find it [at this link](http://http://ibrokemyboy.tumblr.com/), however it may be slightly NSFW at times.


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